Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Cheap Asses


The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says,"For the sake of decency, here's $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt
also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over
her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jesus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."

After reading this joke emailed to me, I realized why my hubby was such a cheap ass. He is of Scottish and English descent, and possibly somewhere in there is a little bit of the Irishman. He is always complaining about how much of his money I waste, and with me not working anymore, for some reason he thinks it is all "his" money.

Geez, do I have some news for him.

We live in frickin California, and in this state what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine. So does the man not know that only half of what I waste is his and all of it is mine. I keep telling him about these things and he just keeps ignoring me. I think I need to get his hearing checked or I am not nagging him enough.

And then the other day he had the nerve to tell me that it was my job to go through everything in the refrigerator every single day, and throw out what was bad. If he thinks I am going to touch those moldy green fuzzy things in there, then he better think again. I actually thought the refrigerator was my secret scientific lab where upon I was trying to discover some secret cure for anything that ails you. Isn't that how penicillin was discovered? The man does not know how brilliant of a scientist I truly am. Do I have to write everything down for him?

He needs to quit being such a cheap ass and hire a cleaning lady to do those things. And while he is at it, he can hire a man to tidy up some things "down there" for me. I guess it is true about that saying, "Once a cheap ass, always a cheap ass!".

So all I am going to say is be very, very, very careful when choosing the man you are going to marry or you may end up with a cheap ass like I did.
All right, I am just kidding, well kinda, my hubby is a good, hard working man who hands over his paycheck every two weeks and lets me buy whatever I want. Hence, all the Costco trips. Between the two of us I am probably the cheap ass. I search for bargains and what is on sale and will go without something if it is too expensive, while he will just ask me what I want and then buy it.

Did you know that you can negotiate with some companies to have them lower your monthly charges? Hubby thinks I am crazy because I do this but being the cheap ass that I am, I want to save as much as I possibly can. That way maybe someday I can really pay someone to clean out my refrigerator or just buy a new one. But I am still not touching the moldy green fuzzy things growing in there, he will just have to clean that stuff out himself.