Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Lifting The Border Fence For Safe Crossing

Safely Crossing The Border!

I guess depending upon what side you are on then you might or might not think this is a good way to cross the Mexican/American border. I think this video just shows you what a crap ass job the American gobment is doing to secure our borders. I mean lets face it they do hardly anything to secure our northern border and not just because the Canadians are too smart to cross it but because it is too big to actually be cost effective to secure.

But the southern border should be the place where it should be cost effective to send our military. Are we not at war with the drug lords in Mexico who are killing thousands of their own people and no one here seems to give a damn about those people.

It makes me sick every time I hear a story about a police force in some city down there in Mexico who has to go into hiding or are all killed because they have taken a stand against the drug lords in their country. Most of these stories are ignored by our Lame Stream Media because they are so busy singing the praises of "Oh you know who" raising all kinds of extreme amounts of money at a fundraiser using our hard earned tax money to pay for the trip while calling it a working trip. What is wrong with our country that we just stand by and idly watch this crap happen to the people down there trying to do the right thing.

Why is the Mexican Military pretty much being left alone to fight this war and we have our military off fighting wars against people who have killed a lot less people than the drug lords to the south. Al Qaeda and the Taliban have killed a lot less people than the drugs provided by these drug lords over the last ten years. And what does our gobment do about it?

Nada freaking thing when you think about it!!!!

They play act like they are doing something but nothing has changed, if anything it has gotten worse. I don't even know where to begin to complain about what is being done and what is not. Should I talk about putting our guns into their hands, should I talk about letting the gangs control areas that our law enforcement won't even go into, oh and that goes for a certain religious group that makes women cover themselves (what is up with world gobments being afraid of these intolerant bastards, afraid of women, which is another subject). Okay, I just want to upchuck thinking about everything wrong with this picture. When did we become so afraid to just let all this crap happen?

I think I am at a loss as to what to do to end the slaughter of so many people, over 30,000 at last count. You might not think that I would be one to want to legalize what some have deemed as illegal drugs but yes I am. What we now call legal drugs kill more people here than the illegal drugs, including alcohol, which was once deemed illegal. I think that we should legalize them all and let the idiots pay a tax to use them. That way the rest of us might get some tax relief because we are too smart to use them. Then take all those agents who we currently use to fight the use of the illegal drugs and put them at our borders and make it to where they catch those who try to transport drugs illegally across the border. See once they are no longer trying to catch our dumb ass citizens who use the once illegal drugs then they can devote all their time to catching the ones bringing them across the border illegally. Then the Mexican gobment could start taxing their drug lords and maybe use the extra money to help it's own citizens but then their gobment is so crooked they will probably just use it to line their pockets. Although who knows maybe the citizens will rise up and get an honest gobment, which is oxymoron to me. Gobment is just another name for a crook, just how much of a crook depends upon what they get away with. Just look at our congress if you need an example, need I say more. Okay, I will since we have city gobments that can be just as bad, see City of Bell in CA, need I say more again.

Anyway take a look at this video of our great fence we have guarding our southern border and listen to the drug mules laughing at how easy it is to go under and then let me know what you think. And please do not get upset with thinking I am anti-Mexican or anything, since I am not sure how many relatives I might have down there, even though most are up here.

Enjoy the video.........



So what do you think, is our gobment stupid or what when it comes to putting up a fence?

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Flu Shots

No Need For a Flu Shot!!!


Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her, she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl. Sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!



When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?", pointing to the bowl.


"Oh yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease."


"Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

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I have been so terrible about posting here and figure it is about time that I get my crap in gear. This was emailed to me and I figure it is worth sharing, I mean since I guffawed after reading it. It is a good thing I did not have to go potty or I might have made a mess. Plus if I had an organ then this would be as good a use for a condom as anything at my age.

Although if you think about it, what a great way to approach the young ones of today about the use of protection. Also imagine the stories they would pass along so maybe not quite as many of their generation would be catching the "flu".

Let me know what you think, should I put a "whatchamacallit" in a bowl? Would you be brave enough?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Cheap Asses

Knickerless

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says,"For the sake of decency, here's $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt
also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over
her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jesus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."

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After reading this joke emailed to me, I realized why my hubby was such a cheap ass. He is of Scottish and English descent, and possibly somewhere in there is a little bit of the Irishman. He is always complaining about how much of his money I waste, and with me not working anymore, for some reason he thinks it is all "his" money.

Geez, do I have some news for him.

We live in frickin California, and in this state what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine. So does the man not know that only half of what I waste is his and all of it is mine. I keep telling him about these things and he just keeps ignoring me. I think I need to get his hearing checked or I am not nagging him enough.

And then the other day he had the nerve to tell me that it was my job to go through everything in the refrigerator every single day, and throw out what was bad. If he thinks I am going to touch those moldy green fuzzy things in there, then he better think again. I actually thought the refrigerator was my secret scientific lab where upon I was trying to discover some secret cure for anything that ails you. Isn't that how penicillin was discovered? The man does not know how brilliant of a scientist I truly am. Do I have to write everything down for him?

He needs to quit being such a cheap ass and hire a cleaning lady to do those things. And while he is at it, he can hire a man to tidy up some things "down there" for me. I guess it is true about that saying, "Once a cheap ass, always a cheap ass!".

So all I am going to say is be very, very, very careful when choosing the man you are going to marry or you may end up with a cheap ass like I did.
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All right, I am just kidding, well kinda, my hubby is a good, hard working man who hands over his paycheck every two weeks and lets me buy whatever I want. Hence, all the Costco trips. Between the two of us I am probably the cheap ass. I search for bargains and what is on sale and will go without something if it is too expensive, while he will just ask me what I want and then buy it.

Did you know that you can negotiate with some companies to have them lower your monthly charges? Hubby thinks I am crazy because I do this but being the cheap ass that I am, I want to save as much as I possibly can. That way maybe someday I can really pay someone to clean out my refrigerator or just buy a new one. But I am still not touching the moldy green fuzzy things growing in there, he will just have to clean that stuff out himself.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Bra Codes

I had never heard of this bra code before, but my friend JR sent it to me and I knew I had to share this with all of you. I do have to say that I am not sure what sizes the Man-Bras come in but I will add a comment for the Man-Bras too. I hope you all enjoy this and remember it each time you put your bra on.

They forgot the training bra but since there is usually nothing in it then maybe it is not a size. I doubt there is a Man-bra for men training to wear one. I think they just get shocked when they move into any size.

Man-Bra size A....Ack, I need a bra. Are you sure?

Man-Bra size B....But it is just a muscle. Yeah right!!

Man-Bra size C....Crap, Crap, Crap, what the hell is happening?

Man-Bra size D....Damn it, what are these things?

Man-Bra size DD....Double Damn it, what's happening to me? I'm going to Dunkin Donuts, would you like one?

I noticed there was no picture with an E size for Women so I will make up what I think E says.
Woman-Bra size E....Excessive Excellence!!!
Man-Bra size E....Excessive Eating got me here!
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Man-Bra size F....Four Pounders, almost Five Pounders. Cool, I'm hungry.
Man-Bra size G....Gawd, I can't see my beer belly anymore!!!
Man-Bra size H....Hell, I bumped into it again. It is getting harder and harder to get through the doors and Hell, it hurts if I try to sleep on my stomach. Hell, I can't see if my shoes are tied. Hell, I need another beer, good thing these man-boobs can hold the bottle for me. Hell, I am so sexy looking. Hell, I love these man-boobs.

I hope you have enjoyed this lesson on how to read the Bra-Meter codes for both the Woman-Bras and the Man-Bras.
If you have any questions please contact your nearest Victor/Victoria Secrets Store. Last time I checked they had the sexiest Man-Bras and Woman-Bras available. They also give discounts for each couple who purchase their bras there. Enjoy.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I Knew There Was A Reason!!!

With time, women gain weight because they accumulate so much information and wisdom in their heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of their bodies. So they aren’t heavy, they are enormously cultured, educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, good grief, look how smart I am!


Wow, some scientist just discovered what I have known for the last ten years. It must have been a male scientist because we women have been keeping this secret to ourselves for quite a while.

Plus because I like to think I am so very, very smart, I have bought me one of those big magnifying mirrors. I just look into it and say, "Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the smartest of them all?" I then turn around and it answers, "You are." Well at least it does when I hit the talking button I programmed into it. And that was so smart of me to do that. You should see the shocked looks people give me when they hear it talking.

Okay, just kidding, it only talks to me and I never have to hit the button.

Friday, March 19, 2010

GETTING A HAIRDRYER THROUGH CUSTOMS

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland
asked The priest sitting beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course, child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer for
my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits.
I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it
through Customs for me...under your robe, perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you...I
will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question
you."

When they got to Customs, the woman let the priest go
ahead of her.

The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to
declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have
nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And
what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a
woman, but which is, to date...unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead,
Father."

"Next!"

I just had to share this one. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies (That Really Work!)

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you slice. Yes, someone sent me this because they heard I was cutting potatoes for some french fries on my mandoline slicer, and sliced my finger on it. The blades were so sharp that I never felt the slice, but when I almost fried my finger pieces, I knew something was wrong.

2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. Or just pee outside by the back fence, or in the neighbors yard. Well, the bathtub also works, as long as you pee by the drain. Although they do sell those automatic seats that put it down for you.
Picture from Wikipedia

3. For High Blood Pressure sufferers ~ Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a Timer. I can only say that you need to make sure your timer is working properly and thus avoiding a costly ambulance ride. Hubby was not happy when the city sent a bill for $500. He is now more willing to go to the pharmacy and get my meds.

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. After my fingers healed, I just threw out that damn alarm clock. I then got a real mouse and an hourglass timer. But now the damn mouse is getting smarter about going for the cheese. Although it doesn't have any fingers (or is it claws) anymore, so as to hold the cheese, so it can eat. Now I am gonna have to get a new mouse, maybe I should get a rat, I have heard that Ben is fairly smart.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough. Who needs laxatives, if you are eating a diet high in fiber, then you accomplish the same thing. But this way it is all naturale, if you know what I mean. But please make sure you are sitting on the toilet if you do cough, otherwise it is not a pretty picture.

6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. (But you already knew that, right?) Make sure you do not eat any WD-40 and cough, not a pretty picture there. And be sure that when you are duct taping certain parts of your body so as to keep them in a more upright posititon, just keep the duct tape on until it falls off on its own accord. It hurts like hell if you try to remove the duct tape on your own or have someone else do it for you. Although the other person removing it usually laughs so hard they pee their pants, so maybe the pain is worth it.

7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrial problem. Oh sure, now they tell me this, after another expensive ambulance trip. Although it was worth seeing those emergency people pee their pants because they were laughing so hard while trying to pry the hammer out of my hand. Hubby refused to pay that bill and told them that he should be charging them for all the entertainment they got on that trip. We hope to die before we have to pay the lein that they put on our house.